Acceptance

10/16/2013

Acceptance is taking the world as it is, not as you want it to be.

We all like to think of ourselves as accepting, but it is a lot harder than we realize. Especially when it comes to accepting those who are selfish, intolerant, and full of hate.

How far must I go in accepting others? I cannot answer this for you. You will learn this on your journey. The main thing to keep in mind, is to allow people to think what they want. We are all entitled to our perspective,

I've always thought of myself as accepting - at least until someone disagreed with me.

I began to see things differently one day after a dinner at your uncle's house. Our whole extended family was there. Young and old. Rich and poor. People from other places. Some had faith, others did not. I asked the question, If I do not accept the intolerance of others, does that not also make me intolerant? They responded with an unequivocal "No". I was asked in return, Are you going to just "accept" someone trying to kill you? Are you going to "accept" someone teaching your children to hate? My immediate reaction was no. But then I suddenly realized the hypocrisy of intolerance towards the intolerant. I saw it clearly for the first time. If I do not accept their views - no matter how hateful or vile they may appear to me - how do I not become the intolerant one myself? Am I always right? Do I possess the truth? Accepting the views of those you agree with is easy. It is in times that we don't agree, that we need to be accepting the most.

I want you to remember that their rights end where yours begin. Do not allow anyone to hurt you or cause physical injury to others. If they preach hate, show love. If they demonstrate intolerance, respond with understanding. To accept others doesn't mean that you agree with them. Educate them through your example, rather than reinforcing their beliefs with your reaction. Remember that we are all a product of our experience, and that you too have felt intolerance or even hatred at one time or another. The person you see before you, is not the person they will always be. If they mean physical harm, restrain them.

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My name is David. I created FathersWeek.com as a place I could leave a written record for my children - not to provide answers, but to encourage the pursuit of the right questions.

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Anonymous

1/14/2014 11:34:22 am

Excellent post, as usual. I just wanted to focus for a moment on an aspect of acceptance that you did not discuss, namely self-acceptance. One cannot be truly happy in life if he cannot be content with who he is. This is not to promote a complacent attitude, where one is lazy about making progress in life because he feels he has already done enough, it is rather to promote self-confidence. One of my favorite rants is about how western society leaves no room for self-acceptance. Just think: advertisements for fashion companies alone are huge contributors to a general sense of "I'm not enough" in our society. We obsess over the looks of celebrities and models, and we come to think that we cannot be good-looking without their perfect figures. I saw a wonderful TED talk on this, given by a woman who herself works as a fashion model (http://www.ted.com/talks/cameron_russell_looks_aren_t_everything_believe_me_i_m_a_model.html). She mentions staggering statistics about the percentages of young girls in this country (America) who feel unsatisfied with their bodies.

In another TED talk I recently saw, a woman who works as an actress and a model mentions the fact that she spent time in Cuba, and her observations of the people there. Since Cuba is a communist country, she says, there is no advertising, and therefore nothing to keep the people from feeling confident with their looks, regardless of how they actually look (This talk is also worth seeing: www.youtube.com/watch?v=TBIL2sdfoVc‎. Not directly about this, but also valuable). Now again, this is not to say that I think that people should be so content with themselves that they stop trying to make progress, but a decent dose of self-acceptance would certainly be good for everyone.

This all frustrates me very much. I have wonderful self-acceptance/self-image (or at least I like to think so), but it bothers me hearing others complain about their physical makeup so much, and I blame our society for that 100%. In order to prevent myself from pulling out my hair thinking about this more I'll end here, but I will just say again that the two talks are very worthwhile and they are each approximately ten minutes long.

Thank you again for your posts, please keep them coming!

David

1/15/2014 02:05:26 am

I really enjoyed the videos you mention in your reply. In particular the first one.

I must admit that I felt a bit uneasy through the second video. At first I felt she was confusing beauty with seduction. While she had some interesting points, I believe it became a convoluted expression of beauty, seduction, inspiration, honesty, and pride - all rolled into one. Perhaps they are, and I just wasn't ready to appreciate her message. Still, I appreciate you alerting me to this video and by no means regret watching it. I enjoy hearing things from another cultural point of view - like you mention. But I think I got more out of the first video.

I believe that beauty is good, and is something that we should all pursue (as long as it is for the right reasons). I feel the perception of beauty is directly linked to inspiration, which in-turn is linked to truth. I look forward to putting more of this down in an upcoming post.

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Acceptance

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